My postpartum depression blog uncovers my motherhood journey through postnatal depression, sometimes referred to as perinatal depression.
Whether you’ve found yourself in the deep and dark depths of depression and anxiety or you know someone who has/is suffering from postpartum depression, mental illness is everyones business.
A recent study of more than 10,000 women in the Jean Hailes Womens Health Survey 2017 revealed that 40 percent of women have been professionally diagnosed with depression or anxiety with the worst affected between the ages of 18 and 35.
That’s almost one in two women professionally diagnosed, which doesn’t even account for the silent sufferers who haven’t taken that first step to get help.
According to Beyond Blue, it’s estimated that 45 percent of Australians will experience a mental health condition in their lifetime, with about one million adults experiencing depression in any one year.
You add the whole ‘unprecedented’ hoo-har that was COVID-19 on top of that and we’re talking A LOT of people suffering with poor mental health.
PANDA’s mission is to raise awareness of Perinatal Depression and Anxiety, a common disorder that affects 1 in 5 expecting or new mums and 1 in 10 dads, I wanted to lift the lid on some reasons why those who suffer remain mute by drawing on my own experiences.
Written out of my own personal journey, it may just help us to either recognise the faulty thoughts we hold or provide a clearer insight into how others may be struggling.
At best, I hope that in having these open and honest discussions – as uncomfortable as they can be – we can become more aware and therefore, be on the road to recovery.
1. I thought I was OK but was actually in denial
When I was in the throes of perinatal depression, I had no idea what was happening.
I had read statistics and had doctors/midwives in my ear, explaining what having a baby can do to your mental health i.e. make you go batshit crazy.
But sadly, I was in denial because, ‘how could that possibly happen to me?’
I was a strong, independent woman who did not and could not let anything get me down.
What started as a bit of mild anxiety and depression continued to worsen as I endured typically normal occurrences in life: having a baby, moving house, starting a business and managing our sons bleeding disorder.
My denial was doing me no favours and if anything, was only delaying and worsening the condition.
Terri Smith, PANDA CEO states it best.
Unfortunately, PND tends not to discriminate and can affect any new or expecting parent. Many people still dont seek help as quickly as they should and suffer for longer than necessary because they dont know whats happening to them and dont know where to go to seek help.
2. I thought mental illness was incurable
By the time I could barely do basic things such as going to work, grocery shopping and eating out without having panic attacks, I sought help.
It was a HUGE step for me mentally because I was so scared that I would be diagnosed with an incurable disease, locked up and left to die in a mental institution.
Of course, it was just my mind playing tricks on me (and probably one too many psychological thriller movies). Stock images depicting ‘mental people’ cradling up in foetal positions also doesn’t help the cause.
It was a monstrous fear I had to overcome in order to get better.
Though psychiatric disorders can be serious, they are 100% treatable and manageable.
In Australia, we are not short of amazing support services such as Beyond Blue, RU OK?, PANDA, Lifeline and The Black Dog Institute to name a few.
Not to mention the number of doctors, psychiatrists and psychologists that are in close proximity. Don’t be afraid to reach out as it’s the first and probably biggest step towards getting better.
3. I thought I was weak and was afraid to speak up
Discussing our mental and emotional problems doesn’t exactly make for typical dinner party talk.
It may be uncomfortable and lead to awkward silences, but you know what? Talking about it saves lives.
Not to mention, at some point in time, virtually everyone has some had some form of mental health issue.
However, the number of people who never get to experience freedom due to being silenced and giving up is tragic. That’s right Im talking about suicide rates in Australia increasing year-on-year.
At what point does it become socially acceptable to bring up a personal issue we’re struggling with? Whether it be depression, anxiety, panic attacks, phobias, fears and worries?
ALWAYS.
The answer is ALWAYS.
It may not be easy and takes a bucket load of courage, but reaching out to trusted friends is worth it.
Further, mental illness is definitely not a sign of weakness.
What I thought was weakness actually ended up being a signal for me to slow down and not take on so much. Ive had to make huge adjustments to my life such as taking full-time work completely off the cards whilst raising children and cutting down on unnecessary commitments.
Rather, its often a sign of chronic stress as a result of the incredible pressures we face today.
In my grandparent’s generation, life was much simpler. There was usually one working parent because the cost of living was significantly less. There was no social media, smartphones and ‘always-on’ technology. Being up to the eyeballs in household debt wasn’t really a thing as it is today.
Back then, expectations and contentment were in check with reality. Whereas today, both are incredibly out of proportion.
We live in a different world today, one that is marked by high pressure, high stress levels, high levels of debt and high anxiety.
Be kind and compassionate to yourself when needed.
4. I thought I was the only one suffering
In speaking up, I found that almost everyone I spoke to was not only compassionate and understanding, but had either been through or were currently struggling with the same issue.
They also didn’t dare speak up due to the same fear that we all hold of ridicule, judgement, isolation and shame.
AKA the big bad STIGMA!
Do you know what the stigma is?
It is a false notion in our head that were all alone and nobody cares. It is the lie we naively believe that no one else on this planet would ever understand so it’s best to say nothing.
To silence the stigma, let’s consider the statistics and put it all into perspective:
- About every second woman you work with has anxiety and depression.
- About every second woman in your family has anxiety and depression.
- About every second woman in your mum’s group has anxiety and depression.
- About every second woman you see at your gym has anxiety and depression.
- About every second woman you ever encounter, come into contact with, talk to or regularly socialise with has anxiety and depression.
If you need a visual of the vast number of people PND affects, check out this ‘It happened to me’ poster.
You can also read about the number of women who suffer from chronic anxiety and worry.
5. I thought people were too busy to care
As we are a society that prizes busyness whilst juggling the growing responsibilities of adulting, it can seem like people are too busy to care.
This isn’t necessarily true and instead, I have learnt that they are sometimes just too busy to notice or ask the hard questions.
We all have personal, family, career and social pressures busting at the seams but that doesn’t mean that we aren’t available to listen or lend a helping hand when needed. Generally, people love to be helpful and useful, where we naturally feel rewarded when helping others.
When I eventually divulged to family and friends, we suddenly had people practically emerging from the bushes offering to babysit, bringing us meals, praying for us and sending scriptures and positive affirmations.
While they couldn’t fix it all and make it go away, they were incredibly supportive, which I truly believe was a key element to my recovery.
In wrapping up, I just want to say that the more we speak up, listen and share our stories, the less power mental illness has over us as individuals and society as a whole.
Being open with trusted people disarms the stigma associated with mental health and in some cases, can be the difference between life and death.
You might also like to take a look at my book Having A Baby Turned Me Batshit Crazy or read other articles around mental health in my postpartum depression blog.
#PNDAawarenessweek #bePNDAaware #endthestigma #RUOK #beyondblue #lifeline
